acupuncture

Dear Diary,

It’s been a week, a full week of no pain. Where am I? Who am I? What fucking nightmare have I been in?

6 weeks ago, when I went in for that initial dental hellscape experience, seems like 6 years ago. How could it be that I was LITERALLY suicidal 3 weeks ago and today I have no pain in my face and I am tapering off the drugs I quickly ramped up not so long ago?

Acupuncture. (I think) Acupuncture. (I think)

I am trying to sit with the fact that I will never know what is working right now, and that what is working right now might not work next time. But right now the major difference in my care (as opposed to previous episode’s care) is that I got into see Elena very early on. Yes, I tried a new drug this time around, and I’m sure it helped. But in 8 episodes over 11 years I’ve never had one last less than 3 months. And while drugs have helped it felt a little like Hodor fighting off Sauron. This time around it’s as if, well, shit, I am not a big enough nerd to continue this metaphor. If drugs were a plodding, brutish, dull way to kind-of beat back the Super Villain Face Pain, Elena is like a laser-sharp, highly efficient way to eradicate it. Like in the end of that recent superhero movie when half of them turn into dust, like that. That’s what it feels like, today.

But and also, I go in for more dental work on Thursday. It’s just a full cleaning and fixing two fillings on the other side of my face, but my anxiety is mounting. I have requested a full mouth Novocaine party with nitrous and I will be very very clear to the technician that they need to get away from my back molar as soon as possible. But I have to be prepared for it all to come rushing back. Ugh, maybe I shouldn’t have tapered the drugs, but I hate the so much. Ugh ugh ugh but also, hooray for a week of no pain.

Love you, mean it.

xoS